prepare

Passwords to everything need to be written down.   I mean everything!  Evryone should have a will, no matter their age.  Always make sure someone in the family has a key to your house.  If your kids are old enough, show them where all the important papers are or someone else in the family.  Write down exactly what you would want or don't want at a funeral.   Have a list of banks and every place you have money.  Write letters to everyone in your family and put with the important papers.  Take lots of pics and live every single day to the fullest. This is what any and every adult should do because tomorrow is never guaranteed.

I created a trust, a will, an advanced directive, a POA, and created a document which has all my user ID and password information. I even have instructions regarding songs that I want played at my celebration of life and where I want my ashes scattered. I don’t have any children but I’ve made arrangements for my pets if any of them outlive me.

I am an estate planning lawyer who specializes in families with kids, a cancer widower, and current cancer dad. So, this question is near and dear to me.

Right off the bat, I want to make clear that I am not your lawyer and am not giving you legal advice. You want to talk to an estate planning lawyer and not just any such lawyer but one who understands the issues potentially leaving behind minor children has.

I don’t know the laws or practices in your jurisdiction; so I cannot tell you exactly what you want your plan to look like. Here are a few really big concerns you should think about:

1. A will only takes effect if you pass away. If you are incapacitated for whatever reason, the will does nothing usually.

2. How can someone use your money to help you pay your bills and maintain your family if you and your husband are not able to? Reasons why you wouldn’t be able to include things like death, hospitalization, deployment and more. 

3. How difficult and expensive would it be for someone to access your money if you cannot manage your finances for yourself? Don’t overlook this. Lawyers and judges often poo poo the costs to the client, but they aren’t the ones paying them.

4. What physically happens to your kids if you and your husband are unable to care for them? Remember, this is broader than just death.

5. As a corollary to #4, how much time, money, and effort will need to be expended to get that done?

6. Is someone who does rear your kids likely to treat them the way you want them to? Why or why not?

7. How much will it cost and how long will it take, as a practical matter, to probate your estate (administer it through court) if your kids are inheriting? I don’t know what it costs around you, but people around me are shocked when I tell them. I mean jaw hitting the floor shocked.

8. What risks do your kids in particular have? There are a lot of hidden risks for kids in particular. Here are a couple that put me on edge. (A) I think it is risky to give an 18 year old serious money. (I think it is risky to put an unknown potential future stepmother in control of their money).

7. How will you convey love, affection, and guidance to your kids and spouse if you are not physically present? 

Because the last one is not legal and because I don’t know any lawyers who address this, I will tell you that I like leaving handwritten notes and memory boxes. You can guided notes like this on amazon relatively cheaply, as in the “letters to my ...” series. My late wife did that for me, and those are some of my most prized possessions. 

Some people like doing videos, but I do not so much. Technology changes, passwords gets lost, etc., which means the videos can be lost.

Bottom line, there is a lot here for people who have minor children. Most of these issues apply to everyone, but the answers are usually very different for people with minor children than those with adult or no children.

Please do not go to legalzoom or some bargain guy who will give you a will and send you on your way. Maybe that is all you will end up doing, but make sure you understand what your decisions mean. Making a will legal, as legalzoom promises, is easy. Making a good estate plan, especially for families with kids, is much harder.

Again, I am not your lawyer and am not giving you legal advice. Please find a lawyer who understands the issues pertinent to you. Most estate planning lawyers want rich old people with grown children, not parents of minors. So you may need to be kind of picky in choosing a lawyer for you.

My oncology department has a palliative care social worker as part of my team. My appt is actually tomorrow am to go over my DNR and talk about what I want for my care etc. I think it’s so important, cancer or not, to have these questions answered before your family has to answer them in an “emergency” situation. I also have made a password keeper for my husband and a list of all my retirement accounts. It’s very hard for him to participate in the “what if” conversations but I feel like it’s my way of taking care of him long term and making sure he knows what I want will avoid regret later. 

I made a binder. Has all the bills and passwords and info for the house and such. Then I’ve written down all my wishes and such. I’ve also collected pictures that I want used when the time comes. I’m not being morbid either, just prepared. 

When my husband was diagnosed with leukemia and then went into remission we thought things were going to be fine. 5 months later he was gone, but I didn't realize I would actually lose him three months before his death. We had most things done, but if you have anything that uses passwords, be sure you have shared them. My husband is in a National Cemetery so I will be interred with him. After my diagnosis of stage 4 CRC I have sat down with my children and told them exactly what they need to know when my day comes. They know where my retirement is, checking accounts, what bills I owe, where they can find passwords, etc. It's never too early to have these discussions and get all questions answered while we can. I wish you time and love to spend with your family. God bless.

I had my will finalized, power of attorney for financial matters and medical power of attorney finalized. All put in a folder with accounts, passwords, bills etc. set up auto pay on most bills so if he forgot it would still happen. Set husband up as beneficiary to all my accounts. Left a list of things I wanted my adult children to have. 

The hardest thing was making my own arrangements for when the time comes. I didn’t want him or kids to have to deal with it. Feel better knowing it is done and the way I want it. 

It isn’t giving up it is a gift I was given to get prepared otherwise my family would have to deal with it. I have dealt with others not prepared and it is so hard on the family.

What I'm working on next is what all of my bills are, listing them with account numbers.

Making a list of names and numbers to my Life Insurance's and retirements.

I want to work on my wish for what I want for after death. Cremation, service, etc.

I'm also going through the things in my house to clean out and get rid of what I can. While I'm doing this I'm making a list to add to my will of who gets what when it comes to those type of things.

What I've already done is my 

-POLST tells exactly what life saving measures you want

-my Power of Attorney for financial and medical

-House in a Revocable Living Trust. This makes it so your home transfers to who you name and doesn't go through the court probate.

-Will. The bigger things are complete but I'm working on the smaller things.

-Added my daughter to all of my banking and money accounts so someone can access it easily.