Love and Grief

Holding On

Loss is an inevitable part of life. And with it of course, comes grief.

Grief can feel like a deep, dark hole that we will never climb out of, but when it all feels hopeless, 

I like to remember that it works just like love.

Because, when we first fall in love, it is intense.

It is overwhelming and consuming and loud. We cannot think of anything else, and we constantly crave the one we love.

After a while it becomes less intense, but it grows.

It grows deeper, more comfortable. It settles down and settles in for the long haul, knowing that it is not fleeting or superficial. It is less consuming. Quieter. An undercurrent of our every day without overwhelming our every thought.

Sometimes something will happen to bring that overwhelming love back to the surface; moments of pride or surprise or nostalgia that remind us just how much we love someone. Moments where our love is once again intense and loud.

And then it settles back into our heart where it knows it will stay.

Grief is the same.

At first it is loud and consuming, intense and overwhelming.

We constantly crave the one we grieve.

Then it becomes less intense, less consuming. An undercurrent of our every day without overwhelming our every thought.

And sometimes something will happen to bring our grief bubbling right back to the surface. Moments where our grief is once again intense and loud. 

And then it settles back into our heart where it knows it will stay.

Because great grief is born of great love.

So where grief remains, where grief rests,

it often helps to remember that love is there too.

Sitting with her arm around grief

and holding it tight.

*****

Becky Hemsley 2023

Artwork by Els Driesen

'Holding on' is from Letters from Life https://a.co/d/9ULJjlF

I missed you quietly today. So quietly that no one noticed.

I missed you as I climbed out of bed and as I brushed my teeth; when I waited at the lights on the drive into work and as I heard the rain outside my window.

I missed you as I ordered lunch and as I kicked off my shoes when I got home; as I switched off the lights and climbed into bed for the night.

I missed you without tears or noise or fanfare.

But oh how I felt it.

I felt it in the morning, at lunchtime, in the evening and at night. I felt it as I woke, as I waited, as I worked. I felt it at home, on the road, in the light, in the dark, in the rain.

I felt it in every one of those moments, each one sitting heavier and heavier as the weight of me missing you kept growing and growing.

Yes, I missed you so quietly today.

But I felt it so loudly.

***

Becky Hemsley Poetry 2024

Credit Goes To The Respective Owner ~

I can’t say I loved you. I just can’t

Because it makes it sound as if my love is past tense. Gone, finished, ended.

And that is so far from the truth.

My love is not in the past. It will never be gone.

I love you now. Still.

You didn’t take all this love away with you. It stays. It lingers. 

Some days it jumps up and hits me in the face just to remind me that it is still here. Still persevering. 

Some days it nudges me. Challenges me to keep going. Daring me to find the strength to get through the day.

But mostly, it just resonates inside of me with everything I do. With every step forward and every glance back. Every close of my eyes. Every breath.

My love is not dependent on you being here.

There is nowhere far enough,

and nothing permanent enough 

to stop me from loving you.

So I will not say I loved you.

Because I love you.

Still.

*****

Becky Hemsley 2023

Beautiful artwork by Xuan Loc Xuan

'Still' is from When I Am Gone - poems for grief and loss https://a.co/d/8BTEgA7